I feel like writing. Writing what I have no idea. I feel like I need to feel inspired all over again. I said I was going to spend my summer days working on what I need to say but what if I don't have anything to say or any stories to tell. I feel like I should be out making stories but I got nothing. I don't have any struggles currently. I don't have heartache. I don't have a hint of romance to dream about. I don't have violent thoughts. I don't have much of anything to wonder or ponder I feel like.
Mostly what I've been trying to do is watch films that may inspire or read a few books I can be in awe with. Even listening to a few songs that can bring tears to my eyes. But nope, nothing. Everytime I think I'm inspired by something, something else takes over. My focus isn't good enough right now.
It makes me wonder what's happening with me right now. I'm reading this book - Diary and they say to produce real art - you have to suffer. Well I feel like I've suffered in my day but anymore, I can't help but smile and laugh with free moments.
I need to feel passion. In a way, I want to save someone because I feel like then I'll only save myself from being too empty with no role in the world. I want to sing music. I want to write epics. I want to see beauty. I want to feel love at it's purest. I want to inhale sunlight and exhale darkness. If I'm not contributing, then what am I doing? Nothing.
I certainly don't want to be nothing.
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Well you're blogging. That's a start. And maybe you do need to suffer to produce a great artwork but everyone will eventually come across suffering that they'll wish they never had to face. So maybe just enjoy the lull...don't force the writing, it will come. I was thinking yesterday about how carefree the past couple of days have been and the back of my mind tried to destroy the moment, because I immediately thought well...maybe I'm being prepared for a big let down. Are highest highs followed by the lowest lows. Hopefully not, but if that's the case I want to just bask in these days of nothingness that are truly something. I've been so happy doing nothing, and I feel like we've been programmed to believe we always have to be doing something, producing something, being useful, otherwise we feel guilty. Well I'm through with guilt. You can't always be accomplishing some feat, sometimes you just need to hang back and chillllax. That's what summer's all about at this age anyway right?
You should come by and slip-n-slide, but I have to mow the lawn first.
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